Bonds of Trust Read online

  Jake rubbed her neck, gave her comfort but remained silent.

  “The more frustrated I got,” she eventually said, “the more I started to identify what it was, exactly, I wanted. What I truly fantasized about. It was a slow process, a gradual understanding that came with the isolation and loneliness. I stumbled across the concept of Dominance and submission through women’s romance books, of all places.” She laughed. “My desires just blossomed and grew from there until I got the courage to do something about it.”

  She reached for him, her fingers resting on the edge of his jaw, her eyes wide with her honesty. “Thank you, Jake, for giving me this freedom. For letting me experience this side of myself for the first time in my life. For making me feel desired and whole.”

  Oh, man. He was so fucked. Cali, in all her innocence and bravery, just gave him that drop-kick to the balls he’d been trying to avoid. No one had ever thanked him—Jake—for what he’d done. Master Jake had received hundreds of such courtesies, but they’d never extended to the other him. The simple man named Jake.

  “It was your courage that did that,” he insisted, hoping she believed him. “It was your own strength that brought you here. Despite your fears, you took the risk. You could have stayed in your marriage and continued to pretend everything was fine. Live half a life. Instead, you took the harder, riskier path in the hopes of finding what you really needed. Very few in this world are brave enough to do that.”

  “Some would call it stupidity,” she tried to joke.

  “And they would be the idiots.” He wasn’t going to let her brush this away. “Safety and security over happiness? It’s a hard choice. It’s not easy to give up what you know in the hopes of finding something better. What if you never find anything better? That’s the risk most people won’t take. Even if it means never being completely happy.”

  “Are you happy, Jake?”

  And she nailed him. Internally he cringed, but he kept his expression neutral. He honestly hadn’t thought of his life in those terms in a long time. Not until Cali had walked into it.

  “I guess that’s all relative, isn’t it?” he tried to hedge.

  She wasn’t letting him off the hook that easy. “Does being a Dom make you happy? Do you like owning The Den? Having this world surround you all the time?”

  Damn. He could ignore her questions. He should do that, but after the honesty she’d displayed and the trust she’d given him that night, he owed her better. He wanted to do better.

  “Being a Dom is who I am. I realized early in my life that having control over others excited me more than was deemed normal. I didn’t have a stable childhood. The control I found in dominance gave me the stability I craved. Being a Dom lets me be who I am without shame.” Not an exact answer to her question, but it was more than he gave most people. More than he’d admitted in years. Jake edged her away from his hold and stood. “The water’s cooling and you’re barely staying awake.”

  “But what about you?” she asked, staring pointedly at his semi-erection.

  He stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist. “Tonight is about you, Cali. Not me.” He helped her out of the tub, meaning what he said. The night was for her. His dick would deal.

  He dried her off, taking care to rub cream into her tender nipples. They’d be sore for a few days after the punishment they took from the nipple clamps. He moved down her body, gently rubbing the cream over the stripes left from the flogger. The sight of his work burned a possessive trail through him. He’d marked her. Some were already faded and most would be gone in a day or two. In deference to her needs, he’d kept them light because he knew she didn’t want the risk of exposure that came with lasting marks.

  Jake settled Cali into his bed then left to lock up the loft. He found her possessions sitting nicely folded outside his door and brought them back to his bedroom. The sight of her curled on her side, her hand tucked under her cheek in sleep, stopped him in the doorway. The light from the bathroom spilled in to cut a sharp line down the bed, leaving it half in the dark and half in the light.

  Of course, Cali lay in the light. How fucking cliché.

  He set her clothes on the dresser and snapped off the bathroom light, plunging the room into darkness. What the fuck was he doing? He stood in the dark for a long time, unable to force himself into bed with Cali, yet unable to leave.

  He was a fucking hypocrite. Telling Cali how brave she was to take the risk, to find her happiness. And here he was, too scared to grab what was right in front of him. Was it possible to extend this to something more? A growing part of him wanted to try. What would it be like to hear her laughter every day? To share takeout and watch movies until they fell asleep on the couch?

  What he hadn’t admitted to Cali was the fact he was tired of being only a Dom. Somewhere along this path, he’d lost the other side of him. The side Cali could give him back if he only dared to take it.

  Dared to take the risk.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Cali stood at the bar. A smile warmed her face, the music drumming through her body. She inhaled and released the tension that had built up over the two weeks since she’d last been to The Den. The Thanksgiving holiday and family commitments had kept her away from the place she’d come to need.

  Or was it the man she needed?

  She’d been surprised when he’d asked her to spend the holiday with him. It’d been tempting to accept, but she couldn’t skirt her obligations, and introducing him to her family wasn’t an option. Not yet. They’d talked on the phone, something they did almost daily now. She was certain that wasn’t part of a standard Dom/sub contract. The fact that she wanted to see him more—wanted to watch the old movies he said he liked or taste the Thai food from that restaurant he swore was the best—scared her.

  What had started out as a “club only” thing had expanded to form the semblance of a relationship for her. He was a vital part of her life. Was it possible for him to be a part of her whole life? Did he want to be?

  She took a drink of her water, the liquid cool in her throat. This was her first appearance since the public, soul-baring Scene she’d done with Jake. She couldn’t help but wonder if any of the people looking at her now had seen her then. Was the woman in the blue leather wearing a collar one of the ones who’d watched her? Or maybe it was the blond Dom in black leather who’d seen her stripped, beaten and bared to all.

  Two months ago, that thought—that fear—would have had her running from the club, her head hung in shame. But now, to her surprise, she felt nothing but pride. How was that possible?

  She felt so strong. The simple knowledge that she could do something like that and thrive gave her a confidence that, to her amazement, she found carried over into her other life as well. Where most people would think that strange and bizarre, here she found understanding. Now she got it—there was power and strength in submitting.

  In giving up control to Jake, she’d finally, truly found herself.

  At The Den she found acceptance. A place where her desires were not seen as deviant, or forbidden, or disgusting. But as honest and okay.

  She set her glass down and stretched her neck, searching for Jake. He usually didn’t leave her waiting so long. His package today had included a strapless leather dress that just covered her ass cheeks and a black pushup bra and thong set. Written instructions defined she wear the thigh-high boots, her hair up and no jewelry. All of which she’d followed without hesitation.

  She turned around, resisting the urge to hunt for him. The bouncer had told her Jake would meet her there and she didn’t want to disobey. The music switched to another sultry tune and Cali let her hips sway in time to the beat.

  A tall, dark-haired man stepped through the crowd and stopped in front of her. “Ms. Reynolds?”

  Marcus. The Dom Jake had pulled into their last Scene.

  Cali’s heart stalled in unison with the drop of her gut. She hadn’t planned on seeing the Dom again, especially without Jake presen
t. She’d never been addressed by another Dom, let alone one who’d kneeled before her naked pussy. Embarrassment flushed her skin and she glanced down, uncertain of how to act. She might have been coming here for two months, but she was still naive when it came to all of the rules and intricacies of the BDSM world.

  “Yes,” she said, deciding to meet his gaze.

  “I’m Master Marcus. Master Jake has been detained with new-member details.” The man extended his hand. “He asked for me to escort you to a room. He has a special surprise planned for you tonight.”

  A special surprise? With Marcus? Cali licked her lips, her pussy clenching at the images her thoughts created.

  After a brief hesitation, she placed her hand in his and allowed herself to be led to the second floor, where the Dom opened a door to the right she’d never noticed before. She paused for a second, uncertain of where she was being led.

  The man stopped, having noticed her hesitation. “It’s all right, Ms. Reynolds.” He let go of her hand and stepped to the side, allowing her to fully enter the room. He stood in the doorway, keeping it open and letting her feel a little less trapped. “Master Jake told me to give this to you.” The Dom handed her an envelope, her name written boldly across the front in a firm script she recognized instantly.

  Cali slid her finger under the seal, her hands shaking just enough to make the simple task difficult. Finally she got it open and extracted the slip of paper. On it was written instructions from Jake to do as Master Marcus defined. That she could trust the Dom, and he was going to prepare her for the evening’s Scene.

  She inhaled a shaky breath and returned the letter to the envelope. Looking around, she saw the space seemed more like a backstage area than a domination room. It was fairly small, with a set of stairs leading up to what was apparently a stage. One she’d never seen before. What did Jake have planned?

  She turned to Marcus, who stood waiting for her in the door. Was he a part of tonight’s Scene? Did she want the other Dom to be?

  “I don’t suppose you’ll tell me what he has planned?”

  The man smiled and shook his head. “It’s not my place. You have to trust your Master.”

  And she did. She was too far down this path not to. After the last Scene, he had her full trust. From the Scene, to the way he cared for her after, to the almost tender sex they’d had in the morning, he’d shown her just how much he cherished her. She felt it in a way her ex had never come close to.

  Jake made her feel special. Cared for. Loved—a word that wasn’t supposed to be in this vocabulary but loomed dangerously in her heart. She was foolish to think it, let alone feel it.

  “Okay,” she said to Marcus with a slight nod of her head. “Sir.”

  And with that, she was committed. Marcus smiled, a shine of approval in his dark eyes. He stepped into the room and allowed the door to close behind him. The click of the latch sounded a bit intimidating, but Cali stood still as the Dom approached. No other words were spoken as the man took the paper and envelope from her hands and moved behind her.

  She heard a drawer open, something being shifted around. The drawer closed, and a door opened. Cali wanted to turn, to see what the man was doing, but she didn’t. She stared at the floor, hands clasped tightly before her, and waited. Jake instructed her to follow Master Marcus and she didn’t want to disappoint Jake.

  A mask was placed over her eyes and she cleared her throat to cover the startled gasp. Her heart accelerated, but she held in her nerves. Once again, just like the last time a mask was used on her, her other senses kicked into overdrive to compensate for the loss of sight. The Dom’s grip on her wrists felt cold as he pulled her arms behind her and cuffed them together.

  “What are your safe words, Cali?”

  She responded automatically. “Red, stop. Yellow, slow down. Green, go.”

  “Those words still apply. Use them if you need them.”

  Her breathing leveled out with that simple reassurance. She still had power. Jake wouldn’t hurt her. Nor would he send somebody who would.

  His boots clumped on the floor as she felt him move away from her. Then she heard the door open and close. The scent of his cologne, a deep, musky smell, lingered in the room, blending with the hint of leather and the lemon-scented cleaner.

  She strained to hear other sounds. She thought she was alone, but she wasn’t certain. The back of the room had been dark and there were the stairs leading up to a stage. Someone could have been up there. The waiting was making her mind race with questions and ideas. Strange, wild ideas that would have scared her not long ago or made her think she was borderline crazy for desiring such things.

  Now, the strongest feeling she had was anticipation, not fear.

  Slowly she began to hear voices. Low, murmured sounds that grew in volume and quantity until they echoed from the stage area down into her little room. She shivered when she realized people must be entering the room that viewed the stage. That could mean many things, but the most obvious was that they were coming to watch her.

  Or whatever Jake had planned for her.

  Another public Scene. That was certainly what it was. Why else would he have her wait here? She tried to mediate her breathing, taking calming breaths to ease the jitters and slow her racing heart.

  She snapped her head around at the creak of the door opening, ears straining for an indication of who had entered. “Jake?”

  No answer.

  She heard the boots on the floor, felt a presence before her. The anxiety left when she caught his scent, the rich, earthy smell of Jake. She smiled and his lips drifted over hers.

  “I’ve missed you, Cali.” The husky words were murmured against her ear.

  Goose bumps prickled over her skin at the flutter of his warm breath and the depth of meaning in his tone. He cupped the back of her neck and pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss. Off balance, she stumbled against his chest, his arms holding her steady as the kiss went on. He tasted so good and felt so right. Only now could she truly acknowledge how much she’d missed his touch, his presence.

  With one last sweep of his tongue against her lips, he drew back. He kept his hands on her arms until she regained her balance. Then his touch was gone.

  “Do you like being my sub?”

  “Yes, Jake,” she answered, breathless. Fear trickled in for the first time.

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes, Jake.”

  “Would you like to remain my exclusive sub?”

  “Yes, Jake.” The desperation showed in her voice as she started to worry. Where was he going with these questions? Was he going to leave her?

  He grabbed her arm. “Then come with me. I have something special planned for you tonight.”

  “What?” she dared to ask.

  “No questions,” he said harshly. “Trust me, or use your safe word.”

  She bit her lip and looked down. She couldn’t see a thing, but she hoped her posture gave him the answer he wanted.

  Then he was leading her up the stairs. He kept his hold tight and the crowd stirred as Jake led her on to the stage. The voices slowly quieted until the click and thump of their boots was the only noise that reached her ears. She sensed the space, however big it was, was filled. The vibration of bodies, the shifting and fidgeting of a large group of people, prickled over her skin.

  She was hot, burning under the feeling of hundreds of eyes on her. Jake stopped and turned her until she faced him, the audience to his back. He pushed lightly on her shoulders. Her boots creaked as she bent her knees and kneeled before him.

  Suddenly her blindfold was gone. The briskness of the action forced her to blink several times as her eyes adjusted to the bright lights that lit up the stage and heated her skin like a summer day. Instinctively she wanted to look around. To see where she was and what was going on. But she kept her head down and focused on his boots in the position of a good sub.

  “Beautiful.” Jake’s words caressed over her and she filled with
pride, the act of pleasing him bringing her a contentment that still surprised her. She kept her eyes downcast and let the rest of the surroundings fade away. Her sole focus became Jake.

  On what he wanted.

  He stepped to her side, one lone finger running a path over her naked neck. He’d done this before, more frequently the last few times she’d been there. Then it hit her. What this could be, what this could mean. Starbursts of light flashed before her eyes and she struggled to ward off the sudden lightheadedness that made her sway on her knees.

  Jake moved behind her, his finger following the curve of her neck until it reached the vertebra at the back. At this point, Cali couldn’t have looked up even if Jake ordered her to. Her gaze was frozen on the scuffed planks of the stage.

  A murmur went through the crowd. She couldn’t make out anything distinctive, but then she couldn’t hear much over the roar in her ears. Sweat beaded over her skin, and all of her senses were focused on the man behind her. What was he doing? Her fingers ached, sore from the tight grasp she held on them below the cuffs on her wrists.

  Then she felt the metal against her neck, the links warm and firm as they pressed into her flesh. His knuckles brushed her skin as he fixed the clasp. Then his fingers circled her neck, outlining the collar in a possessive stroke.

  His declaration to the world—she belonged to him.

  Oh. My. God. There were too many emotions swirling within her to clearly identify what she was thinking. Jake had just publicly claimed her. She could feel every millimeter of the collar where it sat firmly against her skin almost as if it had the ability to choke her. But instead of restrictive, the collar was...comforting. She shivered, her inner turmoil calming.

  Applause rippled through the auditorium, followed by a few catcalls and whistles. Then Jake was before her, lifting her to her feet and claiming her mouth in a hard, plundering kiss that was yet another declaration of ownership. He eased back. The possessiveness she saw in his eyes should have frightened her, but it was tempered by another emotion that she could have sworn was love.