Bonds of Trust Page 13

  “What are you doing?” Cali asked after a moment. Her muscles were slowly responding to his touch, her body sinking into his as she gave in to the safety he offered.

  Reaching over, he grabbed a grape off the tray and held it to her lips until she accepted the fruit, her mouth closing around his fingers before he slipped them away.

  “Taking care of you.” He kept his answer low, the words spoken against her neck. The fresh scent of his soap filled his nostrils and his possessiveness flared. He loved his smell on her, wanted his scent on her. He inhaled again before he forced himself to lean back and give her another grape.

  “I can feed myself,” she objected.

  He pushed the grape against her lips until they opened. “I know, but let me take care of you.”

  “That’s what this is?” He couldn’t see her eyes, but her voice was filled with question and doubt.

  “What does it feel like to you?” Jake kept his voice neutral, waiting for her once again.

  She twisted in his arms until he could see her face. She searched his eyes before reaching out to brush his hair off his forehead. The touch was whisper-light, but he could feel the imprint of her fingers through his entire body.

  “It feels exactly like what I’ve wished for for so long.” Her fingers grazed over his cheek to rub across his lips. She tracked the path, her thoughts appearing distracted by the movement. “It’s hard not to doubt it when it’s not at all what I expected.”

  “What did you expect?”

  “Sex. That was it.” She looked at him, fear and wonder shining in her eyes. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

  Neither did he. Jake let his fingers comb through her damp hair, intrigued by the gentle curls forming. She must force the softness out to get it as straight as she normally wore it. “This, what we’re doing now, is just as much a part of BDSM play as the whips and paddles.”

  She curled into him, her head resting on his shoulder, her breast pressing into his chest under the silk robe. “I don’t know what to do with this. I wasn’t prepared for it.”

  “Then trust me and let me guide you.” He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. “That’s my job.” One he hoped he didn’t fuck up.

  She remained quiet, no more doubts or questions surfacing from her lips. It wasn’t long before he felt her relax and her breathing even out. Her exhaustion finally forced her mind and body to give in to the sleep it needed.

  And he held her, inhaling the smell of his soap on her skin, absorbing the weight of her in his arms, reveling in the light stokes of her breath over his skin. The rightness of it surrounded him until his heart started to race in a sprint against the panic threatening to ruin the peace.

  What am I doing? He reached over to click off the light, plunging the room into darkness. But the blackness did nothing to quiet his mind. He let his head thump back as it sagged under the weight of his thoughts. He shouldn’t be doing this. He was leaving in just over two months. He had calls out to clubs along the southern coast, places that would take him far from here. He couldn’t get close, couldn’t risk the pain.

  He was lying to himself just as much as he was lying to Cali. Because this—Cali in his arms, in his bed—was so much more than the standard Dom/sub connection made at the club. It was what most sought, but few discovered by simply coming to the club. It certainly wasn’t what he’d been searching for or found in his five years of being there.

  Yet here she was. Here he was.

  And fuck, but she felt so right. Here.

  His sub.

  Cali Reynolds belonged to him.

  And what exactly did that mean?

  Chapter Sixteen

  The warmth encased her. It was the first thing Cali noticed as her mind fluttered awake. She curled and arched into the hard body giving off all of the heat before she froze.

  Where am I?

  Her eyes flew open, her muscles stiffened, her mind immediately engaged.

  “Hey.” A deep voice rumbled behind her. “You’re all right. Go back to sleep.”

  Jake.

  Oh. My. God. She was in Jake’s bed. Naked.

  His lips brushed her shoulder, the soft kiss sending a shiver down her spine. His arm constricted against her stomach and pulled her tighter along his length. He felt so good. It felt so good to be in his embrace. To wake with his arms around her. To have him touch her.

  Just hold her. Like last night.

  She must have drifted to sleep in his arms. She hadn’t intended on staying. Did he even want her to?

  She should go.

  She lifted her head, craning for a clock. The room was still dark, no light leaked in from the large windows in the room. He must have blackout curtains, considering the late hours he worked. From the doorway, she could see daylight playing in the other room, so it had to be past seven.

  Like the rest of his loft, his bedroom was neat and sparse. The furniture was all clean lines and dark woods that fit the space but remained unobtrusive. The silk of the sheets caressed her skin and she noted he didn’t spare on the luxuries. What he did own appeared to be well-crafted and expensive.

  Unable to spot a clock without disturbing Jake, who’d apparently gone back to sleep, Cali settled into his arms and gave herself a moment to enjoy the feeling. She never imagined this—the almost overwhelming intimacy and closeness she felt so quickly with Jake—when she’d agonized about joining the BDSM club. Yes, she’d read about the trust and bond that existed between a Dom and sub, but this was so much more.

  So much more.

  And she’d agreed to be his sub. She still didn’t really understand what that meant, but just the thought of it warmed her. If last night, if this right now was any indication of what being his sub would be like, then she’d gladly take the risk.

  The faint jingling of a phone from the other room roused her out of her thoughts. Cocking her head, she listened again and her heart sunk to her stomach. What time is it?

  Pushing away Jake’s arm, Cali rolled out of bed and grimaced when she sat up. Her tender bottom reminded her of what she’d done last night, of what she’d allowed Jake to do to her. Ignoring the ache, she stumbled into the other room. The ringing continued and, as she feared, it was coming from her purse, which lay on the kitchen island.

  Damn. She was supposed to meet Stephanie to go shopping. She sprinted across the open space and grabbed her purse, frantically digging for her phone. The ringing stopped as her hand closed around it. Shit. She snapped her head up and found the clock on the microwave, the green lights mocking her with their evil numbers. Ten o’clock.

  No way. She never slept late. Never.

  She jumped when her phone rang again, her fingers clenching around the now sinister object as the caller ID flashed on the screen. Stephanie.

  Taking a fortifying breath, she answered in her most casual voice. “Hey, Steph.”

  “Mom,” her daughter exclaimed, the volume forcing Cali to jerk the phone away from her ear. “Where are you? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, dear. I just got—” What did she get? “Hung up. I’ll be home in an hour, tops. Then we can head out.”

  “Where are you?” Cali grimaced against the accusation forming in Stephanie’s voice. “I started to panic when I got here and you were gone, and then you weren’t answering your phone. You don’t do things like that.”

  Cali hugged her arm around her churning stomach, the chilly air directly conflicting with the flush burning inside her. “Sorry. I lost track of time.” She fumbled for an excuse. “I had to run over to a client, who called in a panic over some misplaced invoices. Why don’t you get a coffee, and I’ll be home and ready to go in an hour? Promise.” She put out a desperate prayer the diversion worked. Feeble as it was.

  “You should’ve left a note.”

  Cali winced, the guilt layering over the one already clinging to her. “I’m sorry for worrying you. Go get a coffee and I’ll be home soon.”

  The silenc
e drew out over the line. Cali dreaded the connection her daughter was probably making. She literally sagged with relief when her daughter didn’t push it further.

  “Okay. Do you want your usual?”

  Usual? Oh, coffee. “Yes, that’d be great. Thanks, hon.”

  Cali ended the connection, tossed her phone back into her purse and dropped her head into her palms. Could she really do this? The real her was standing in the light of day, naked in a man’s kitchen, doubting she could.

  Was this really worth the risk?

  Warm arms snaked around her waist from behind, making her jump, the sudden presence of Jake startling her. He nuzzled the juncture of her neck, his breath hot on her skin as he pulled her against him.

  “That Stephanie?”

  “Yes.” She closed her eyes, sinking into the comfort he offered. She couldn’t resist a few more seconds of his warmth before the turmoil returned.

  “Everything okay?”

  “I have to go.” She inhaled and forced herself to step out of his arms, the cold air surrounding her to reinforce her nakedness. Only Jake didn’t let her run. He drew her back into his arms, his heat banishing the cold instantly. Cali had to force the next words out before she simply gave in and stayed there. “Really, Jake. I was supposed to meet Stephanie at ten. I need to get home. She’s waiting for me.”

  Part of her reluctance to leave was the pure chicken part of her that didn’t want to deal with the potential confrontation ahead.

  “Then go.” He dropped one last kiss on her shoulder and stepped back. Although his words were short, his voice held understanding. “I’ll start the coffee.”

  She took the offered escape and hurried back to the bedroom for her dress. Since when did she walk around homes naked? She’d never, ever felt comfortable doing that around her own home with her ex-husband. Not in twenty-two years of marriage. Hell, she didn’t even remember the last time Peter had seen her naked.

  Yet she’d never once felt self-conscious in front of Jake, even though he’d remembered to throw on some pants before he’d left the bedroom.

  It was just one more thing that made her stomach twist. She wanted this thing, whatever it was, with Jake. In truth, she needed it. For herself.

  Regardless of what rest of the world might think of her. She needed to be Jake’s sub.

  If only to heal the chilling ache that filled her heart.

  * * *

  The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the space, the last spurt and gurgle of water hissing from the machine as Jake watched Cali step out of the bedroom. Her dress was slightly wrinkled and the damp ends on her finger-combed hair did little to remove the bed-rumpled look.

  She sent Jake a crooked smile, her heels clicking on the wood as she walked over to him. “So is this the walk of shame?”

  He straightened immediately from his lounge against the counter and met her halfway. “Absolutely not.” He framed her face with his hands. “No shame. Ever, Cali. Do you understand? If shame is ever a part of this, then it’s wrong.” He leaned in and kissed her, the hint of mint letting him know she’d found the toothbrush he’d left out for her. “And this isn’t wrong.”

  A smile formed on her lips. “Okay.” Her hand covered one of his, pressing it into her cheek. “No shame.” She stepped away and moved to the kitchen island. “Thanks for getting my purse and jacket. I’d forgotten about them.” Jake had called down after Cali was sleeping and had her things brought up from the coat check.

  “Do you want some coffee?” He already guessed her answer.

  “No, thank you.” She ducked her head, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I need to get home.”

  He held up her coat for her, letting his hands linger on her shoulders. “I’ll walk you out,” he said, gesturing to the door.

  “You don’t have to—”

  “I do,” he interrupted, taking her arm and guiding her toward the door. “Stop arguing.”

  She halted him as he reached to twist the lock. Her eyes were on the ground, her purse clutched in her hands. “What happens now?”

  He smiled and tilted her chin up. An act that was becoming almost natural between them. One day, she would not be afraid to meet his gaze. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  Her eyes widened as she inhaled. “I don’t think I can.”

  “Do you have plans?”

  “No.” She stared over his shoulder. “I just don’t think...”

  “Look at me, Cali.”

  Her attention snapped back to him.

  “You will come back here tonight. I expect to see you by ten.” He couldn’t let her run. The longer she stayed away, the more doubts would crop in until she talked herself out of coming back. That couldn’t happen.

  She licked her lips, the indecision clear in her eyes. “Okay,” she finally whispered.

  “I’ll send you a package this afternoon. You will wear the outfit inside.”

  Her eyebrows shot up, the questions appearing across her face.

  His Dom voice came on in full force as he explained. “You’re my sub. Everything you do reflects on me. Your behavior, your appearance, your attitude are all a direct statement of me.”

  “I’m not your slave,” she bit out, the fire in her eyes turning them bright green.

  “No, you’re not. But as my sub you will act as such while you’re at The Den. If you can’t agree, then this won’t work between us.”

  Jake’s heart pounded as he realized what he’d done. He’d given her an out. Maybe he wanted her to take it. Make it easier for him by forcing her to run.

  “I’ve got to go. I can’t process this right now.” She spun away and he opened the door. Things weren’t settled, but she hadn’t said no. He’d give her time because pushing her right then would only force her into a decision or action they might both regret. Her shoulders were drawn back, her body stiff as he inserted his key in the elevator and hit the button for the ground floor.

  When the doors opened into the private parking garage, Cali looked around in confusion. “Where are we?” She stilled. “How’d my car get here?”

  He put his hand on her back and guided her out of the elevator. “I had it moved when I called for your purse and coat. It’s safer down here.”

  She took a moment to absorb the information before she turned to him. “Thank you. That was kind.” Her words were polite, but the firm tilt of her tone indicated she wasn’t exactly pleased by his actions.

  “What’s wrong?” He stopped her when she tried to move away. “I won’t let you leave here upset.”

  “Let me leave?” She closed her eyes and inhaled. She held her breath for a second before reopening her eyes. “I’m not used to this. I’ve been in control of my own life for, well, ever. Having you suddenly take over is not what I’m looking for. In the bedroom, yes. You can control what happens there. But the rest of my life is not open for you to run.”

  “I don’t want to run your life. But I will see to your safety.” He pulled her against his length. “Retrieving your purse and moving your car was for your security. Defining what you wear tonight is for your excitement, as well as your safety at the club. You are my first sub. Ever. Not everyone will take that with grace.”

  “What do you mean, your first sub? I assumed you’ve taken lots.”

  “Clients, yes. My own submissive, no.” He lowered his voice. “You are the first.”

  “Oh.” There it was again. That little sound that communicated so much more than the word itself. Her body softened as the fight left her.

  He took that moment to reinforce his place in her life. He claimed her mouth in a fierce, almost violent kiss of possession. His body raged with the need to keep her close while his mind fought against what he was doing.

  She opened to him, inviting him in without resistance. Her fight gone, she submitted to him stunningly. Taking everything he had without complaint.

  God, she was beautiful.

  He drew back, his lungs aching for air. She took
gulping gasps of her own as her eyes searched his face. Without further words, he shifted and escorted her to her car. Her hands shook as she took out the keys and clicked the remote to disengage the locks.

  He opened her door. “Expect my package, Cali.”

  She nodded and got in.

  He stood in the chill of the empty garage long after the purr of her engine faded in the distance. His hands fisted at his sides, his bare toes turning to ice on the frozen concrete. That invisible itch flared into a full-on rash. Only, it wasn’t urging him to run.

  No. It was urging him to chase her. To keep her and not let her go.

  Something he doubted he could do.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Cali shut the garage door and hurried into her condo. The relief at not seeing Stephanie’s car in the driveway was too great for words. She rushed into the kitchen, tossing her purse on the counter, and practically sprinted for the stairs to hit her bedroom.

  She could do this.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  Her sense of victory deflated at those two simple words. She stalled midstep on the stairs and cursed silently before schooling her features and facing her daughter. “Stephanie,” she said pleasantly, as if she wasn’t standing there, clearly wearing a rumpled dress from the night before. “I didn’t see you in there. Where’s your car?”

  Her daughter’s knowing gaze moved over Cali, shifting from her bed-messed hair, over her come-hither black dress, to the tips of her strappy stilettos in an obvious assessment of her attire. Stephanie’s seat in the far corner of the family room provided her with a clear view of the entire downstairs. This had been a deliberate stakeout. A calculated ambush that prickled against Cali’s right to privacy.

  “Where’ve you been?” The flat, scathing tone of Stephanie’s voice left no doubt her daughter knew she wasn’t returning from a morning meeting.

  Cali straightened then calmly took the three steps down to stand at the bottom of the stairs. She kept her hand on the banister to stay grounded. The few seconds allowed her to gather her thoughts and regain her stability. “I can tell you obviously have that figured out and have formed a judgment. Even if it’s not your business.”